Telluride is a truly special place. I was in an overpriced little gift shop in Mountain Village and noticed a rather odd book. It was obviously self-published, with a homemade cover that looked like it had been cobbled together using Microsoft Word...

Like many agnostics, I was originally raised Christian, and so despite myself, when gazing upon religious icons like this giant blue Shiva statue in Pokhara, I'll find myself instinctively thinking about how wild and weird it all is. I will fleetingly think how goofy and cartoonish their religious deities frequently are... how "other"... but then again, that "other" is often so beautifully exotic, that it immediately makes me want to decorate my house...

I dare anyone to spend any amount of time in Italy and not come home convinced that what their yard needs is a beautiful new Italian fountain...

"So is that Mount Everest?"

"Still no, Ryan."

I know I must have sounded like a kid in a car, constantly asking "Are we there yet?", but in my defense, we kept rounding corners to find mountain peaks that were so mind-blowingly awesome, in both scale and majesty, that I couldn't help myself...

Just so we’re clear, this is not Photoshopped. This employs two other techniques I use much more frequently, intoxication and stupidity...

Except this one.

This is just a photo I took in Bandipur of a woman with a basket. There's not even anything UNDER THE BASKET, I checked.

So, I’m using it a bit like a Directory, to help you get to a more interesting story...

I was drinking quite heavily at this point, and had even managed to put on a bit of a vodka belly. I needed to make a major life change, and fast. So, I remember making the major life decision that from this point forward, I was going to try and stop…

"See that large outcropping of rock off in the distance? The Navajo call that the Monkey King. Not the medium sized outcropping to the left of it, but the large brown one, there...

How does this overly expressive monkey not already have a cartoon version of himself, if not his own show? The only reason I can think of is that his facial fur is oddly reminiscent of a middle-aged man who spends his weekends doing civil war re-enactments...

This kid's family sold smoked camel meat at a stall in the souk, a legendary and sprawling marketplace located in the heart of Fes...

I'm not saying that one person’s problems are more real or more serious than another person’s, except… well, yes, I kind of am. Lol 😆...

I’ve been asked enough recently why I so seldom show my photography of the United States that I feel the need to respond. You see, the answer is… well…

I was with my mother at arguably the very southernmost tip of the African continent, the Cape of Good Hope, when I had the surprise realization that not all penguins are cold weather animals that live in the iciest of places with Morgan Freeman...

"Well, I'm super sorry to hear about your faulty power outlet, Ma’am, but you made the right decision calling Kathmandu Karl and Sons...

Depending on where all you’ve been (or not been) in the world, this may make no sense to you. But I have found that the easiest way to make an entire store hate you— nay, sometimes even an entire marketplace— is to pull out your American Express card...

So this is when I had an epiphany about sandals. I never pieced together that they were called that because they are perfect for wearing in the sand. And I mean like, literally, they are about the only thing you can wear when trying to walk in the dunes...

It’s amazing how much better you can become at a sport when you don’t start pounding whiskeys at nine in the morning, spend a good portion of the day at various on-mountain bars, and then are completely shit-faced by about noon...

Let me explain, because there were a lot of mitigating circumstances and factors that led up to me accidentally breaking the door to their temple. The first reason isn't really all that complicated, it's just a cold hard fact, the temple isn't made very well. I think they know this...

Iceberg photos are hard to name. I'm not trying to be crass here, but let's be honest, when you have hundreds of iceberg photos that you are trying to name and keep track of... and they are all blue and icy and vaguely similar... butttttttt, one of them kinda looks like a penis? Well, you go with it...

Above is a photo of my friend Margaux and I, as they deflated the hot air balloon behind us, that we'd just been trapped in for over 500 hours...

The above photo is of COVINGTON'S NURSERY, shot from a HELICOPTER.

It doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to, probably because I started making a point to always remember and say plant nursery, but it still does happen every now and again...

Ah. It’s one of these calls. My mom has found a new gay sex term. She’s not judging me, I know that much, but who knows what the hell she’s been reading to come across a term that I don’t even know...

Anyone who tells you that studying philosophy is waste of time and will likely have no application in the real world, well, that person has clearly never been tasked with trying to figure out what photographs to use for Website Buttons...

I have been to a lot of places and done a lot of crazy things. And like so many alcoholics, one of my greatest fears upon getting sober was that all my crazy adventures and all my wild fun had officially come to an end...

I learned early on in my travels that thanks to iconic photographs, we oftentimes have a romanticized idea in our heads of a place or thing that is VERY DIFFERENT from what it's like to experience that thing in reality...

So this is when I had an epiphany about sandals. I never pieced together that they were called that because they are perfect for wearing in the sand. And I mean like, literally, they are about the only thing you can wear when trying to walk in the dunes...

Join me and my dad, Joe Covington, as we walk you through each crucial step of perfectly planting a tree in North Texas...

Of all the things that could turn out to be unexpectedly athletic, the most surprising has got to be how the Irish have turned the kissing of a lucky stone into a bizarrely gymnastic experience...

AN HOMAGE TO SPENCER'S GIFTS.

So, I’ll be honest with you, I think these doors look best when you pick twelve of your favorites, then frame each one individually, in mix-matched, antique frames.

What's up with twelve, you ask?

This is about as close as you’re ever gonna see me get to wedding photography, which is to say, not close at all. These two people are actors on a set. They are in fact married, but not to each other...

Everyone you meet will tell you how smart monkeys are, but you know what? Smart is relative, isn’t it...?

I had been wanting to go to Mont Blanc my whole life. I first learned about it from my grandmother, who always imbued it with a sense of mystery and wonder, telling me that most people found it intimidating, and that no one she knew had ever actually been there...

A warning for all you nature and wildlife photographers out there who are really into birds, I happen to not be. I don’t dislike them, I’m just not really what you’d call a “bird person.” In fact, the strongest opinion I have about birds was formed after bird-sitting for a neighbor...

I'm pretty sure this was the winner of the "Office Depot Eye Challenge" or some other competition where you are blindfolded and only given a highlighter, a sharpie, and a stressful time limit; because the level of realism achieved here is astounding...

Man. I am nervous/reluctant to even write this. I hope this doesn't offend anyone who has an impression in their mind of Buddhist monks - like I certainly did - that they were men of the holiest ilk, men who chose a life asceticism and monasticism thanks to some higher calling or extreme religious devotion...

I thought this little baby chimp was so cute. That is, until he turned, and I realized he was capable not only of murdering humans and stealing their ears, but that he wears them Mr. Potato Head style, like a trophy. The sick bastard

Before any of you pedants start crying out in delight, thinking you’ve caught my egregious blunder, let me clarify that I do not believe this to be a rare spotted lion in a tree. I know this is a leopard, calm down and read the story...

I wish I could say that this series of photographs marks the beginning of my foray into the world of hard-hitting photojournalism or humanitarian aid, but alas, no.

This cantankerous woman isn’t really upset at all, she’s full of shit...

Do you have something you no longer want or are just generally tired of looking at? Not to worry, just light it on fire and burn it! This seems to be the philosophy of everyone in Nepal...

This is little more than a thinly veiled excuse to share an artistic shot of Seth’s ass.

Or rather, an artistic excuse to share a shot of Seth’s ass, thinly veiled...

So many folks in AA would talk about how they felt the need to drink when they were either angry or when they were sad. Those both sound like the kind of plausible motivations any screenwriter might give to an alcoholic character, and they certainly make sense from a psychological and storytelling perspective, but I found it difficult to relate to these reasons on any sort of personal level...

As the only other guy in that square trying to take photographs, I was initially thankful that this other hot photographer was distracting the local children so that I could continuing taking pictures...

No, not that kind of HIGH, lol, this isn't a photo of COLORADO... This is the Everest Region of Nepal!

Many of the treks that I attempt are at very HIGH ALTITUDES, and yet, it is often hard to communicate that elevation through my photography...

I don’t think it’s that odd to admit I’ve vividly imagined my death in a wide variety of ways

This is one of those times when you must admit defeat and eventually just give up. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m currently BUILDING A HOUSE, so of course, the second I saw these urinals...

Even though I've been tempted, this is why I have never actually PULLED THE TRIGGER on getting a massage in a mall or an airport or a grocery store. Those massage chairs that they have are always just a little too publicly positioned for my taste, and I'm probably a little too farty for everyone else's...

My entire family is very aware that my life involves an unusual amount of travel and adventure; however, based on my recent Christmas presents, it has become clear that they might be a little hazy on the specifics of just what exactly it is that I do.

For the past two years in a row, MY UNCLE has given me a police-issue taser gun...

Anyone who travels as much as I do will find that their life becomes a series of epiphanies, and not all of those revelations are warm and fuzzy. You will eventually come to the point where you have to wrap your head around the "Haves" and the "Have Nots" of this world and figure out a way that you can mentally come to terms with all the disturbing things you witness. I am talking here about poverty, and by extension, wealth.

Despite its low picture quality, this is one of my favorite photos. For many reasons, I find it preferable not to walk into a men’s room with my nice camera in hand...

When I was drinking, the problem with this activity was always that everyone would get shitfaced beforehand, but without any prior discussion about which ones of us would actually be driving the snowmobiles once we got to the activity site...

Before ever getting there, in the weeks leading up to our trip, I was starting to have honest-to-goodness nightmares about Ireland. Or rather, specifically nightmares about trying to drive our rental car on the "wrong" side of the road for the first time...

These sheep were originally in the exact center of the road, and the thought occurred to me that maybe we could use our car like a herding dog and sort of nudge them off to the side. Then we got closer and I saw that they were all bloody, so maybe someone already tried that and it didn't go so well...

You'd think the exoticness factor would score extra points here, but this is just a sand horse. It's twice as tall and twice as uncomfortable, so unless you ride a camel regularly, you are going to want off this thing pretty darn quick...

I will admit that this quintessential, long-exposure shot of the Dallas city skyline might be uninspired and dull. However, getting that shot is anything but...

I grew up in the 80’s, so NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC and the big, fuzzy, kitten-loving gorilla, Koko, was very much a part of my childhood. From a very early age, I accepted as fact that gorillas...

Both drunk and sober I have attempted to wrap a turban/shemagh around my head and I always end up with less than stellar results. The process usually involves a mirror and several YouTube Videos, until I eventually either give up or create something on my head that I could never wear out in public...

I know I talk about this a lot (like HERE AND HERE), but when you are in a foreign country and dealing with multiple language barriers, conversations can frequently spiral out of control and into an abyss of confusion...

“If I would have known it was going to be all about animals every day, I would have never signed up for this safari!” This was shouted at me -- loudly -- during dinner, by one of my travel companions on Day 2 of our stay in Uganda....

Even if you just dabble in photography, it will probably come as no surprise to you that most of the money in a photographer's arsenal is spent on camera glass, not on cameras. Lenses are expensive and addictive, but they are also indispensable...

As you can see, this toilet had no bidet, hell, it didn't even have a commode (just a hole and a helpful broom), nevertheless, I want to stop here and talk about bidets for a second...

Several years ago, a woman holding a clipboard knocked on my front door. People show up all the time wanting money for all kinds of causes and charities...

I could not believe how many suspension bridges were involved in the trek to Everest Base Camp. No one really talks much about this...

Uh oh, this is another real tricky one to rate, and not just because “camping” can mean such wildly different things to so many different people. Depending on where you are and who you ask...

I actually have no story to tell about this cantankerous woman who I met on set in WYOMING, but she makes a great placeholder for me to shove a bunch of cow photos that I don't really know what to do with...

"See that large outcropping of rock off in the distance? The Navajo call that the Monkey King. Not the medium sized outcropping to the left of it, but the large brown one, just there...."

I remember reading that we were going to “help bathe the elephants,” and I didn’t think too much about it at first. I think I just saw the word ELEPHANTS and was sold...

Nothing is so dangerous or frightening as a viscous animal that happens to closely resemble your domestic pet...

I know, I know, "Friends" is such a cheesy title for this photo, but the more I was around these two, the more I got the impression that this elephant was more like a friend or a beloved pet to this young man than it was a work animal or beast of burden...

I feel like this hippo must be who taught my first boyfriend how to kiss, because I swear, this was his exact technique.

It’s uncanny, really...

These llamas loved to lick this dirt wall. It was unclear why, and the language barrier helped to make sure that none of the answers I got from the locals made any sense, or satisfactorily answered my question...

Janelle really tests the absolute limits of my abilities as a photographer. Not because she’s difficult to work with, or anything scandalous like that (just the opposite, actually), but because if I’m taking photos of Janelle, chances are, we aren’t anywhere normal...

These are either mohawked horses kicking up dust in West Texas, or zebras in Africa. Hard to tell...

Before getting too excited about landscapes you see in photographs, make sure that those plant materials make sense for your geographic area, or that they even make sense at all. I’m reminded of a magazine spread, where on the back of the toilet...

I have many friends that I can wholeheartedly enjoy, despite the fact that they hold wildly different political or religious beliefs. Even if I consider them to be silly, wrong, or dumb...

Anyone who's ever tried to hike uphill with a huge heavy SLR camera around their neck knows that with every belabored step, that camera is going to bang repeatedly right into your rib bone...

Everyone you meet will tell you how smart monkeys are, but you know what? Smart is relative, isn’t it? 

I watched this one baboon eat a plastic bag for about fifteen minutes, and this other one ate things he found in his friend’s butthole. So… 

This giraffe’s coloring was darker and more saturated than all the others in the most delightful way, and I wondered if perhaps it was a different species or something...

A major thing that our American restrooms have going for them is consistency. This is not the case in much of the world. On many occasions, I will walk into the designated.... let's call it a "toilet area," and walk right back out...

The punishment for poaching rhinos and other big game in South Africa comes with a hefty fine, and an even heftier prison sentence. Our guide told us this was not what detoured people from killing them though...

It should come has no surprise that uninspired, house-hugging landscape designs and unapologetically bare-minimum yard installations are two of my biggest pet peeves. However, there is something that bothers me even more, and it’s a travesty I find a thousand times more upsetting and depressing...

If I am dead and you guys are trying to decide which shirtless pics of me to include in my funeral slideshow, I'd like to offer up this one as a good clean option. It's nice and nature-y and not too provocative...

Seth has informed me that today is our two-year anniversary.

Not that I forgot the date, I just came up with a different number of years...😬

I paid a man to play with his snake, and then after a while, asked hm to please get it off.

And yes, yes... Insert your own gay joke here...

Everyone you meet will tell you how smart monkeys are, but you know what? Smart is relative, isn’t it...?

The quickest and easiest way to look like you know what you're doing in a raft, is to try and find out beforehand when and where along the river the company photographer will be...

Some opportunities come along only once in a lifetime for a photographer, and for me, this was one of those times. My friend (and EBC TREKKING buddy) Kimby is in the center of this photograph, but the true star here is The Wind...

When I first started traveling internationally, one of the first things I would do to prepare for my trip is read all the horror stories about what (and who) to beware of at any given destination. I do this much less now, but one of the stories that stuck with me from the early days was...

Just so we’re clear, this is not Photoshopped. This employs two other techniques I use much more frequently, intoxication and stupidity...

This is a little girl in the Everest Region of Nepal dancing in celebration of Tihar... but for now I've decided I want to talk instead about dancing, alcoholism, and aliens...

This photo is part of a larger conversation I frequently have with myself, and one that is too large to really approach here…

To give you an idea of how long ago I took this photo, I was still shooting with (and developing) actual FILM. I was studying photography in Italy...

A lot of people fall in love with an exotic place they are visiting and start dreaming up ways they could possibly move/live there. I, on the other hand, do the exact opposite: I start trying to figure out ways I can bring a piece of that place and culture home with me...

I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my life as a photographer, a traveler, and just a human being, would never have been complete without seeing the Egyptian Pyramids. However...

In this particular instance, I feel like flying reindeer are still more believable than skis...

If it hasn't happened to you already, trust me, it will: Your first time overseas, on at least one occasion, you will inadvertently find yourself speaking slowly and loudly in English, but with a horrifying caricature of the local accent...

Have you ever been hiking and gotten hot in what you were wearing? Did you then think that the perfect way to cool off would be to expose a small portion of your belly-white upper thigh along with a little bit of your underwear? No?

Me neither...

Owning A NURSERY, my parents are often asked about what they choose to plant in their own yard. How do you choose something, when you can ultimately choose anything?

Sorry, I’m a little stressed with work right now and so all I can summon the strength to post is a photo of this sign I pass every day...  

While TREKKING THE EBC, rarely did any of the restroom facilities have any kind of apparatus that you could actually sit on. So, "A Game of Holes" might be the better title for this…

I can’t help it, every time I see someone who has had plastic surgery on their face, I think about a Stephen King book I read as a kid. There was a family that was so distraught about the death of their cat, that the dad took a risk and buried it in a spooky, magical, cemetery...

Shortly after booking my trip to meet and photograph the lowland gorillas of the misty mountains, as well as other African animals such as the beautiful lions you see here, the country of Uganda passed the most severe and punitive laws on homosexuality in the world, to include punishments such as life imprisonment and, in certain cases, the death sentence...

You can always tell which potted plants I neglected to run a drip irrigation hose to – those would be the dead ones...

Every time I hear people talking about gender inequality, I get angry. I think to myself, c’mon people, it’s 2023 for Christ’s sake! Why are we still making women cover up their tits in public? Men don’t have to, they can go almost anywhere bare chested, so why not women?

Unlike almost every other activity that involves a boat, especially a boat in a tropical location, scuba diving is perhaps the only activity that I do not associate with alcohol and heavy drinking. Yes, this could be because I only started learning to scuba dive after I got sober, but I don’t think that’s it...

We are about to talk about my grandmother, Nanny, who I actually knew very, very, well; but first, this glacier? Yeah. I have no recollection of taking this photograph. I have no recollection of a lot of things, actually…

Over the years, and on more than one occasion, I have found myself joining in on conversations where the despised and lingering Caste System is being considered, and usually admonished, when I probably should have kept my mouth shut...

I'm not usually a very religious person, but when this holy Baba pulled out a cigarette and I realized I was going to be able to use the old Virginia Slim advertising slogan as a pun... Well, maybe there is A GOD after all...

Have you ever wanted to rub shoulders with two other men in a bizarre urination sandwich?

Me neither...

I thought this guy was unbelievably hot, although I can't remember his name. Who am I kidding, I never knew his name. He was Icelandic, so I can only assume his name was like a hundred letters long, and half of those letters are probably Js...

"No Timmy, I don't think there are any more Mickey Mouse or Lone Ranger masks left in the bin, like the other children are wearing, sorry. But quickly now, go over and get the last one left, and remember -- this is why it's important to ALWAYS GET TO CLASS ON TIME...."

This was from a beautiful series of photos I prepared for Ashley's closed-casket memorial service, after she was tragically hit by a train...

I refuse to even write anything about this, this is just low hanging fruit. (That’s what SHE said!)

Aww, hell, now I’m typing...

I have been a residential landscape photographer my whole life, and I guess you could say I brought my work home with me...

I assumed if replacing the batteries didn't work, you just threw it away and bought a new one...

Nothing is so dangerous or frightening as a viscous animal that happens to closely resemble your domestic pet. But I’m not going to belabor how deceptive these wild dogs actually are or talk about how I’ve watched them take down an animal quadruple their size...

Now play the music from “Shaft” and turn it up real loud. That way I can’t hear people saying that I’m being dumb and possibly offensive...

Unless I came up with it myself (like MOROXICO, which is brilliant…) then I usually have an aversion to most portmanteaus. I frequently find them silly or even cringeworthy, but it’s very possible this is just jealousy...

In the original BBC series "Absolutely Fabulous," Edina is asking Patsy about the importance of a powerful fashion mogul, and Patsy snaps  back with something amazing like, “Darling if she wanted to, she could raise hemlines so high, suddenly the whole world’s your gynecologist!” Hilarious...

My brain has the irritating inability to remember people’s names. And that’s okay, because oftentimes when I’m telling a story, I am intentionally not wanting to use that person’s real name. Therefore, my tendency not to remember people’s proper names isn’t too much of an issue...

Portrait photographers will often ask me what it’s like to film a set with no people, no subject.

And it took me many years to realize the right answer to this, it’s that there is a human subject there, it's just implied:

The subject is...

Paragliding is the closest you will ever come as a human being to flying like a bird (much more so than sky diving, which is more akin to falling), and it would get an SF rating of 10 and a time allotment of All Day, if that were possible. But it’s not. It’s often extremely expensive...

If you are ever wondering whether someone is boyfriend material or not, as early as possible, arrange a scenario where a group of you play the game “If you could be granted only one superpower...

My need to photograph certain things in this world sometimes reaches a fever pitch, a compulsion that some might say borders on obsession. People talk about making a BUCKET LIST, but when I tried that, it felt a lot like I was just putting all my current and future obsessions down on paper...

Have you ever wanted to rub shoulders with two other men in a bizarre urination sandwich?

Me neither.

But that’s what happened in this upsetting urinal corner where the troughs had been placed so absurdly close together, that...

Despite its low picture quality, this is one of my favorite photos. For many reasons, I find it preferable not to walk into a men’s room with my nice camera in hand, so this was sadly SHOT ON AN iPHONE. Turns out, my camera wouldn’t have turned any heads, because there were no heads to turn, not around these urinals, anyway...

I must be in a rare mood, because instead of sharing a bunch of my thoughts and opinions (about the global marketplace and just commerce in genera, yawn), I just want to share some snapshots of what it was like to be in this little market in Thailand. I will, however, also share with you a few things that were running through my head at the time:

I may travel the world because the differences intrigue me, but it’s the similarities that never cease to amaze me. However, unless you grew up in the 1980s, you couldn’t possibly guess what it is I want to talk about here. I am in Pokhara, Nepal, farther from home than I’ve ever been...

So this is when I had an epiphany about sandals. I never pieced together that they were called that because they are perfect for wearing in the sand. And I mean like, literally, they are about the only thing you can wear when trying to walk in the dunes. The little holes in your jogging shoes...

Janelle really tests the absolute limits of my abilities as a photographer. Not because she’s difficult to work with, or anything scandalous like that (just the opposite, actually), but because if I’m taking photos of Janelle, chances are, we aren’t anywhere normal.

These llamas loved to lick this dirt wall. It was unclear why, and the language barrier helped to make sure that none of the answers I got from the locals made any sense, or satisfactorily answered my question...

Going to the beach is one of those activities (much like snorkeling) where the activity itself is relatively cheap and easy, but is only enjoyable if you first spend thousands and thousands of dollars to get somewhere really awesome and beautiful...

How do you say, “I’m about to urinate on your floor” in Italian?

Any time I do a more traditional portraiture shoot and end up with a batch of photos that look vaguely like they could have come with the frame, my mind starts turning and I start thinking about the world of stock photography...

I have mentioned before that I get the most excited about visiting countries or places where the culture and lifestyle are completely different from my own. Conversely, I get disappointed when I go somewhere expecting to see another way of life, expecting to be submerged in exotic customs and sensational apparel, only to find there’s a McDonalds on every street corner and no one really wears fantastical garments on a day-to-day basis the way I was hoping they would....

"Don't give me that shit, Shelia, I'm not going to argue with you right now. You know damn well that pink, while technically a shade of red, yes, is not actually red, like we agreed...

This is a dead body being ceremoniously burned alongside the Bagmati River in Kathmandu. But we will loop back around to that in a bit.

Any time you are looking at a photograph of someone doing something spectacular out in nature or watching a show about people ice fishing in Alaska, or hiking high in the mountains, or trekking across the dessert, just remember...

"Son, you can beat a dead horse but you can’t make him drink," my dad once told me. I was young, but not that young, and I suspected my dad might have twisted these up intentionally...

I always get irritated when I show up to the store isle and the only paper towels left are the ones with tacky, pitiful, designs on them. They match nothing in my home...

This guy really puts the bat into acrobatics. If I tried that, I think we'd all quickly discover a stretch that required a stretcher...

If you want to think twice about ever riding on any sort of gondola ever again in your entire life, then watch the scene from the FX show "Preacher," where they fully explore what it would be like if the Aiguille du Midi cable snapped, and killed everyone inside the cable car....

At the time, I'm sure there was probably some more glorified, artistic, and intellectual justification given as the purpose for this photoshoot, but ultimately, I'm pretty certain these were just for ASHLEY'S DATING PROFILE...

No, that is not the name of the mountain behind me. Also, before anyone thinks I'm trying to ruin the majesty of the moment or disparage the memory of all the trekkers who’ve come before me -- and all that this pile of TIBETAN PRAYER FLAGS symbolizes -- trust me, I am not...

This is probably the number one direction that comes out of my mouth when I am shooting photos for Covington’s Nursery. I have probably said this hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Or rather, more accurately, I say a variation of...

The Dreaded Canoe is special, since this is where it all begins; and perhaps, so should you. Get ready to learn about a lot more than just canoeing, because I am going to start at the beginning. I am going to explain in detail what it is like to travel as an alcoholic and drug addict, and that, of course, means we are going to need to start at The Airport...

Before this multi-day canoeing excursion, I honestly never knew that Possum Kingdom was an actual, real, place. I did wonder why the Toadies song was called that though -- "Possum Kingdom" -- since to my knowledge, there are no possums in the song. Unless he's saying, "Do you wanna die?" to a possum...

“Mommy? That’s the same amount we’re gonna offer as a reward for little Yip-Yap, right…?”

Portrait photographers will often ask me what it’s like to film a set with no people, no subject.

And it took me many years to realize the right answer to this...

I took this photo at the Vatican, back when cameras still used actual film. This might seem like a foreign concept, but the photo is in black and white because that was the type of film I had loaded in my camera at the time...

A Fun Fact: "Tilelet" is also, interestingly enough, pretty close to how my SOUTHERN FATHER pronounces the word "toilet" in his deep Texas accent...

While it isn't exactly a "sport," per se (and it barely even qualifies as an activity), listening to Bjork's new "music" is definitely an adventure, and it is certainly very, very difficult. So I have decided to briefly discuss it here.

I have struggled with how to explain this, but what it boils down to, is that when you are in a foreign place, and you are constantly encountering new cultures and foreign customs, and everything is exciting and confusing because you do not speak their language, then quite frequently, you will find that you have little to no clue what is going on. Not with absolute certainty, at least...

I bet this little kid is going to be a lot more reluctant to go with his mom to any more photo shoots and talent searches after this...

Today is a very monumental day for me, because today, for the first time in my life, I have opened up a social media account..