Even though I've been tempted, this is why I have never actually PULLED THE TRIGGER on getting a massage in a mall or an airport or a grocery store. Those massage chairs that they have are always just a little too publicly positioned for my taste, and I'm probably a little too farty for everyone else's.

I'm always afraid people will be watching me -- judging me -- which is the exact opposite of feeling relaxed, and kind of defeats the whole point of the massage in the first place. Or worse, what if people decide to start taking photographs of me, the way I did with these monkeys? Now I feel bad for bothering these guys. My photos didn't even turn out all that great...now I'm just nitpicking. Which is also what I assume these monkeys are doing.

Did you know that the "nit" in nitpicking originally referred to a lice egg? Gross. I'm going to make a mental note to use that colloquialism less often.

Although, as far as nitpicking goes, this little overachieving monkey has it down:

But he's still not as impressive as THIS MONKEY!

And while I've never nitpicked a monkey, I have BATHED AN ELEPHANT...