Have you ever been hiking and gotten hot in what you were wearing? Did you then think that the perfect way to cool off would be to expose a small portion of your belly-white upper thigh along with a little bit of your underwear? No?

Me neither.

But that's what these pants do, so here we are. You've heard of side-boob, now how about a tantalizing little taste of side-ball? With a design so peculiar that I can't imagine why it hasn't become the hottest (or do I mean coolest!?) new trend, these special pants allow you to air out your junk with two awkwardly placed side zippers. It's perfect for the guy who's too classy to just unzip his fly while he hikes. These pants will let other hikers know you are super cool. Too cool, in fact, to try on pants at REI before purchasing them. Get ready to discover a little too late, just like I did, that zippers don't always lead to pockets.

But hey. Since they are there, I might as well use them, as evidenced by the photo above.

Underwear by Fruit of the Loom.