Friends Romans Countrymen

Published August 5, 2023

Vatican City, Rome

I took this photo at the Vatican, back when cameras still used actual film. This might seem like a foreign concept, but the photo is in black and white because that was the type of film I had loaded in my camera at the time. I loved that they decided to group these three busts together, because it gives me the sense that these are just three old friends, hanging out, frozen together for all of eternity.

To me, Christians are like an old episode of "Friends." I don't live in their world, but I know it very, very, well. I'm aware that none of it is real, but I still know which drawer Monica keeps the silverware in, and which book of the Bible talks about Homosexuality. There are many episodes of "Friends" that I have pretty much memorized, and can tell you what they are going to say before they say it -- just like with Christians. I can quite accurately guess how Christians will respond to most prompts, and this makes being around them comfortable to me. Like "Friends," they are a known quantity and I have been around these people, watching them and hanging out with them, for my entire life. There is sometimes comfort in predictability, even if you don't share the same beliefs or even live in the same world.

I attended a Christian school for 9 years of my childhood, but it was primarily Church of Christ, not Catholic. So basically, that means that we had churches, they were just modern and hideous, and looked nothing like the gorgeous old cathedrals and basilicas of roman Catholicism. And now that I'm agnostic, I have no churches anymore whatsoever --beautiful, hideous, or otherwise.

If I were going to pick a denomination of Christianity, though, based solely on the BEAUTY OF THEIR ARCHITECTURE AND DESIGN, I wouldn't have to think too long or hard about which one that would be. Not to mention, one day in junior high, the predominantly Church of Christ school that I attended sat everyone down and had a serious talk with us. They let us know that Heather, my best friend at the time (and still to this day) wouldn't be able to go to Heaven with the rest of us, sadly, because she was Catholic. The Kingdom of God was only for Church of Christ members. Sorry Heather.

This was shocking news (probably most of all to Heather), but it's very hard to argue when an adult has MADE SOMETHING UP. Also, considering how expensive the tuition was at this private school, I remember the thought crossing my mind that Heather's family sure wasn't getting a veery good return on their investment. Maybe they will get some money back? Maybe there's some kind of refund policy that will kick in due to this new development of Heather being rejected from Heaven?

Heather's parents pulled her out of that school not too long after, for a variety of reasons. As for myself, following their little "announcement," I recall telling the faculty that if Heather wasn't going to Heaven, then I didn't want to go there either. Go ahead and put me down for wherever Heather was going.

Seriously though, how great could their version of eternity really be, if you weren't allowed to spend it with your friends?

I didn't know this at the time, and wouldn't find out until years later when I came out as gay, but I had very little to worry about: The congregation let me know I would definitely be joining Heather where she was going.

Huh. Well that worked out nicely.

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To learn more about Heather, and how she almost went to hell a lot sooner than expected (when a white water rafting trip turned sour and she almost died), click HERE!