NEW VIDEO!

You've stumbled upon a brand new (short) video I just made about the designer of this yard. Lucky you!!

Just like many great storytellers and film directors, Covington's designer STEVE MALONE is able to create dramatic, engaging landscape designs in all different genres and styles:

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Parked Cars and Park-like Landscapes

Ever since I quit drinking, it is unlikely that I’ll get in any more car accidents of the spectacular and/or bizzarro variety like I used to. However, I’m pretty certain that if I do happen to wreck my JEEP (or hit a pedestrian) it will be because I got distracted by a beautiful house.

Sometimes a beautiful home and/or landscape will catch me off guard, and I don’t rightly know what comes over me. I’ll become so enthralled with their building materials and landscaping choices that I seem to momentarily forget that I am still driving a vehicle. This also happens to me on my bike, by the way. I can’t tell you how many times I have almost run into a parked car with my bicycle, because my entire head and field of vision was pointed sideways at a gorgeous house and front yard.

All I’m saying is that if you see my crumpled car or bicycle, and I’m splayed out on the street with a bloody head injury, chances are, if you look up, you’ll probably see a beautiful Tudor style home looming over me. No investigation will be necessary, we’ll all pretty much know what transpired.

Ashley Gets Hot Under Her Hood

I have a FRIEND NAMED ASHLEY. She was my debate partner at SMU, and we became fast friends. One day she had a car accident in Highland Park, and I was the person she immediately called. Having just gotten in a wreck, she was pretty shaken up on the phone and not making a whole lot of sense. She was speaking in fits and starts, but I was able to gather that her car was damaged and undriveable, and it was possibly steaming or smoking from the hood; but who or what she hit was indecipherable. Or rather, it didn’t quite add up... because if I was understanding her correctly, to hear her tell it, she was simply driving along in her Audi, when suddenly she rear ended a parked car. Parked cars don’t exactly jump out of nowhere, so I told her just to stay right there, I was on my way. I figured I could try and assess exactly what happened once I got there.

Well, as it turns out, no assessment or even an explanation was necessary, because the second I turned onto the right street, it became glaringly obvious what had happened.

There was a practice field featuring about a dozen shirtless, sweaty, Highland Park football boys, all frolicking around like sex-gods, and I almost hit a parked car myself. They all looked as if they had leapt from the pages of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue, toned and tanned and muscled in a way I only thought possible in professional modeling shoots.

But here they all were, steamy and glistening in the sun, and right directly in front of them, was Ashley and her smashed Audi, with steam and smoke billowing up from the hood. I was desperately hoping that no police officers had been called, or that all the hot jocks would at least stop stretching and go inside before they arrived, because this tableau told the complete story. No one was going to be confused as to what happened or why Ashley might have run into the back of this parked car.

I pulled up and got out and she started to explain (something about the radio distracting her… really Ash? The radio was confusing? It wasn’t this glistening blonde dude stretching out his 8-pack over here?), but just as I started to give her an incredulous look, two of the guys began doing some kind of assisted push-ups together in the grass and we both got distracted. She never started back up with her bullshit story about the confusing car radio again.

All I’m saying is that if I happen to hit you with my Jeep while you are trying to cross the road, before you black out, look up. If you notice that you are right across from some beautiful, turn of the century cottage or an impeccable craftsman style home, just please know that it’s not your fault. It has nothing to do with you, it’s nothing personal, and I apologize.

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Click HERE to see my personal sexy, steamy, craftsman frolicking in the snow.

Click HERE to see an example of a house that might cause car accidents.

And finally, click HERE to read more about Ashley!

Drive safe, y’all!

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