I was drinking quite heavily at this point, and had even managed to put on a bit of a vodka belly. I needed to make a major life change, and fast. So, I remember making the major life decision that from this point forward, I was going to try and stop…

being photographed without an elephant next to me.

Not only are they very slimming, but what better way to avoid the elephant in the room than to pal around with an actual elephant?

They gobble up all the focus. Brilliant!

Haha, I jest.

Sort of.

I was so excited to get to stand next to this enormous, majestic elephant, and I'm curious if he was just as excited to see me? I bet he was. They say an elephant never forgets, so I often wonder, does he ever think about me? As he's going about his day, out there on the African savanna, does he ever stop and think, "Whatever happened to that delightful little fellow in the tiny vest that smelled like a vodka distillery?"

Half of their face is a giant nose, so he could probably tell I wasn't even bothering with mixers at that point, just straight vodka on the rocks. What a delight I must have been!

This is where I'd usually point you towards another related photo article, except in this case, we seem to be at a bit of a crossroads. I don't know which topic you're more interested in. If you want to read more posts about f*cked up shit I did while drinking, well there are probably hundreds, so literally just pick any photo at random, and there's a good chance my alcoholism will come up. I guess this post, GLASSES HALF FULL, is as good a place to start as any.

If it's elephants you're interested in, try Elephants March. Or hold on, let me give you another adorable elephant photo right here.

And as a caption for these playful young elephants, I'll echo what many people probably said about me when I was drunk: It's unclear what's going on here, but it sure looks like a lot of fun.

At one point my elephant must have had enough of just how fun I was, because -- as I'm sure he'll remember -- he blustered into our camp and quickly discovered my little table of alcohol. I don't know if he planned to bartend, and limit my intake that way, or if the idea was just to upturn the whole damn table of liquor and be done with it. Or maybe he was exhausted from all the photos and wanted a little nip himself. Who knows. Either way, our guide ushered him away before I ever got to see what kind of flare he could do with that trunk.

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You can view my complete List of Activities and their Sober Fun Ratings HERE. Yes, it's exactly what is sounds like, it's a list where I let you know whether certain things are still fun without any drugs or alcohol. One of my favorites (and spoiler alert, it was totally fun, stone cold sober) is BATHING ELEPHANTS in Thailand.