When you’re out on the African Savana, there’s often a lot of down time. There just is.

So sometimes, while I’m waiting for something to happen, I’ll play little games in my head.

Like, I’ll try to decide — if I could only choose one— whether I’d like to have a tail or a trunk.

Now, the tail would definitely be a prehensile tail, like that of the New World monkeys… meaning that I could use it to grab on to things or take people’s cigarettes or shove into the mouth of a crying child that’s throwing a tantrum in a store.

The downside of having this tail, however, would obviously be that I’d have to get all new special pants made, but then again, the downside to having a huge trunk on my face would be, like, EVERYTHING. 🤣

The benefits of being able to squirt irritating people with water or eat out of other people’s mouths doesn’t outweigh the cost. Namely, the fact that I’d have this huge freakish trunk on my face and probably wouldn’t be allowed in to most nice restaurants anyways.

Especially not if word got around that I often tried to eat out of other people’s mouths.