“You’re gonna kill lions from a helicopter? Badass! It’s going to be a bloodbath!”

I haven’t left for Africa yet. I’m at an Army Navy store in Dallas, Texas, shopping for supplies, and none of those things the store clerk just repeated back to me are true. I’m not sure how this idiotic man got any of that from what I just told him, but it seems to happen a lot. In Texas, you have to choose your words carefully, because if you say you are going on "a shoot," no matter what you just described, they are not going to assume it’s a film shoot. And without fail, their disappointment is going to be palpable when they find out you are just going "shooting" with a puny, nonlethal, camera.

“No," I interject, "I said I was going to be arriving in a small helicopter and am looking for a lightweight bag that... Ugh. Never mind." I can see the guy is confused, but then again, so am I. After replaying our conversation in my head, I double back to him.

"Hold on," I grimace. "Just to clarify, you were okay when you thought I was going to fly over a pride of lions in a helicopter and shoot and kill them from above? Like a maniacal psychopath?"

The clerk just looks at me with a blank expression.

"You know what," I say, "don’t answer that.”

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You can read more about lions, and the way in which they will most likely murder and eat me, HERE.

Or maybe you'd just like to read about Lions and Homosexuals, if so, go HERE.

Yep, you're seeing it correctly, it's not either/or, it's all one link. Gays and lions, I've grouped my prides together.

You know you're interested...